We still haven’t decided how to replace Allen Raymond now that he’s written How to Rig an Election. (He makes it sound so negative. Like it’s, you know, bad.) He does have a certain amount of expertise, so we should at least consider making a bid to hire him back (I know it’s desperate, but have you seen the latest fivethirtyeight projection???). Otherwise, we urgently need to expand our “election enfranchisement” team.
Obviously, purging the voter rolls in Michigan based on recently foreclosed homes is a great start to making sure that the election goes as it should. However, we’ll need to carry this out in at least every swing state, if not nationwide.
There are two ways to advertise for our need: either one major Republican operative or an “Allen Raymond” for each state. Given the proven effectiveness of unilateral authority, I’d lean toward the top-down approach.
Here’s the ad draft:
Seeking Senior Republican Operative
National presidential campaign seeks loyal, experienced, non-“exotic” operative to head team in challenging voter registrations, tracking home foreclosures, and minimizing overall election day turnout in key states in November. Position has the potential to lead to “future” as a Washington “lobbyist” (Cha-ching!).
- familiarity with recent voter trends in at least three key states is necessary
- knowledge of polling laws, push-polling helpful
- work on past election rigging a plus
Let’s mobilize our best men for this.
Tucker
Secret Republican Strategery 