Fake Steve Schmidt and Friends

Archive for October, 2008|Monthly archive page

Epilogue: Our America

In God Bless America on October 9, 2008 at 4:09 pm

This will be my last post.  No more jokes. No more sarcasm.

Just this.

And this.

This is what our country has come to. This is what John McCain condones. For these last 26 days, this is what we face.

Is this the world we imagined for our children?

Do we let our country go the way of hate?

Or do we believe we can be something better?

This is our choice.

I wish she could be this articulate in real life

In But that would involve using real words and full sentences on October 6, 2008 at 1:36 pm

It’s the REEEEMIXXXXX…..

Also they finally caught on to the fact we are going to cut medicare and medicaid to pay for a shitty tax credit that won’t be nearly enough to offset everyone losing their employer based coverage.

And they caught on to the fake maverick thing. And the fake good airman with good judgment thing. And the fake Obama contributions scandal, when it’s actually the McCain campaign that has been acting shady.

And the fake we care about women thing.

And the Keating Five thing we’ve been hoping people would forget about.

Man he’s really playing offense isn’t he? Can’t we just have Gore and Kerry back?

-Steve

P.S. Gotta love quotes like these:

“As I said, I’m of two minds about this. I don’t want to give currency to this sewage, so it will remain below the fold. And I’ll try to devote the lion’s share of my time to the issues–the war, the economic crisis, the fraying health insurance system, the environment–that should define this campaign. But what a desperate empty embarrassment the McCain campaign has become.”

And headlines like “How McCain lost his brand: From maverick to crank in an instant

Jackpot: We have the clincher

In Give me a break its all we've got okay? on October 5, 2008 at 3:25 pm

We’ve got what we need to sink Obama forever.

Definitive proof of his relationship with unrepentant terrorist William Ayers:

Wait Obama has already pre-empted us? And the media is calling us out on it being a complete lie? And we’re using the same tired and failed strategy that Hillary Clinton already tried? And Sarah’s even being sued by a fellow REPUBLICAN for using a secret personal email account to hide her official state business? (Dick Cheney would be so proud.) Fuck it. Let’s run with this anyway. We can’t do any worse than we have been doing.

-Steve

P.S.

The week that was, or now I’m just going through the motions

In It's not that I've run the worst campaign in history is it? on October 4, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Okay guys, let’s sum up the end of the week shall we?

Bigger flag pin? Check.

Discredited and utterly false “Obama thinks our troops are murderers” smear? Check.

Sarah continuing to be retarded and not realizing how fucked we are in like a million states other than Michigan? Check.

And we might have to pull out of Pennsylvania too because we’re losing so badly? Check.

National polls continuing to slide to Obama? Check.

The press blasting Sarah’s debate performance? Check.

Obama continuing to win states Mark Penn said only Hillary could win? Check.

Our surrogates continuing to get served by Rachel Maddow? Check.

Dave Letterman continuing the assault? Check.

Oh, and experience and judgment?

Sigh.

Double sigh.

-Steve

P.S.

P.P.S.

P.P.P.S.

The strategy that wins us the election

In It's better than anything else we've got right now on October 2, 2008 at 3:43 pm

Other new messages we could try:

We’re losing because “life isn’t fair.”

We always tell 100% the truth, except all those times we 90% lie.

She’s not that bad, really. No seriously please just believe us.

The fundamentals of our campaign in Michigan are strong. Or, how to admit defeat in a key battleground state in 30 days.

Oh my God are we fucked in Florida too? FUCK THIS SHIT I’M GOING HOME

We could really use a deus ex machina right about now.

-Steve

God I can’t wait until November 5th when I don’t have to spin this shit anymore

In And I can get blitzed out of my mind on October 1, 2008 at 2:01 pm

You guys are not being very nice, fellow Republicans.

“Some Republicans say they are uncertain of McCain’s electoral strategy, wondering why, for example, he’s back in Iowa this week, a state few independent analysts see as being in play and where public polls this month show Obama enjoying a double-digit lead even before the economic meltdown. Asked why McCain was in Iowa, one veteran Republican there replied: ‘Because he’s running a senseless, non-strategic campaign. Why else would he come here?’”

Or you guys, US Military.

“When Russian bombers approach American airspace  and U.S. Air Force fighters are scrambled, Sarah Palin‘s phone doesn’t ring.The Alaska governor has no command authority over the guardians of U.S. airspace despite her recent suggestion otherwise.”

And Sarah? Still retarded. As ever.

She should you start using that answer for more interview questions. “Hey Sarah which countries should we invade?” “Oh, you know, um, gee… ALL OF THEM?”  Genius.

And John? Still angry. As ever.

And conservative nutjobs? Still as nutty as ever, even against their own.

“Allow me to introduce myself. I am a traitor and an idiot. Also, my mother should have aborted me and left me in a Dumpster, but since she didn’t, I should “off” myself.

Those are just a few nuggets randomly selected from thousands of e-mails written in response to my column suggesting that Sarah Palin is out of her league and should step down.

Who says public discourse hasn’t deteriorated?

Of course, there’s a difference between a lack of polish and a lack of coherence. Some of Palin’s interview responses can’t even be critiqued on their merits because they’re so nonsensical. “Let Sarah be Sarah” has become the latest rallying cry among my colleagues on the right. She’ll be fine if we just leave her alone, they say. Between prayers, I might add.

The picture is this: Anyone who dares express an opinion that runs counter to the party line will be silenced. That doesn’t sound American to me, but Stalin would approve. Readers have every right to reject my opinion. But when we decide that a person is a traitor and should die for having an opinion different than one’s own, then we cross into territory that puts all freedoms at risk. (I hear you, Dixie Chicks.)”

So what should we do? The surge. I mean, SUSPEND THE CAMPAIGN.

AGAIN.

But at least Tom Brokaw is still spreading fale information is still on our side. Thank god for that. Not so much the polls though (538 breaks it down brilliantly as usual), no matter how hard we try to spin itOr women (details here, including the fact that Obama is now at the 50% threshold in the Time poll, which no Democrat has done since before Reagan).

What does it mean? A right-wing blogosphere civil war? The end of the Republican brand? Only time will tell. But in the mean time, LET’S PAY SOME FRAT DUDES TO PROTEST THE VP DEBATE LIKE IT’S THEIR JOB.

UPDATE: And the amazing quotes keep coming in:

“Obviously in a McCain administration she will not have much of a role in foreign policy.”

Republicans see stunning “lack of competence” in McCain campaign

-Steve