Fake Steve Schmidt and Friends

Why can’t our dude look that black dude in the eye? He is totally giving us the stare-down

In Dear God John do not check to see if your wallet and cell phone are still safe on September 27, 2008 at 2:20 pm

Can we get that time machine back?

Because we have got to do something about this: (jedreport via huffington post)

I mean this is John Fucking McCain. Nobody knows about the Other like he does. GEEZ it’s not his fault reality just happened to turn out differently from what he predicted based on what he learned didn’t learn during his awesome 894/899 class rank record at the Naval Academy.

And fuck they’ve already got an ad out? How the fuck were we supposed to know to say “middle class”? It’s not like this country is in a financial crisis or anything that John “suspended” the campaign for and said he wouldn’t even show up for a debate unless a bailout recovery deal were done– oh wait, we don’t have a deal yet? Tucker, does that make John a liar or a capitulator? Which one polls better?  [NB: neither! just call him a hero repeatedly and count on people being stupid distracted– don’t you ever listen when i talk about message?  tb]

And what the fuck how did Obama get a remembrance bracelet too? I thought only John supported the troops. And where was John’s flag pin? Obama had one. FUCK WHERE ARE OUR FUCKING ACCESSORIES?

Debates make my awesomely domed head HURT. (But not as much as John’s strobe-light-flickering tie, which I’m told only did that on non-HD TVs, but hey that’s what those people get for being so poor and not supporting the economy: a seizure.)


P.S. Who else laughed everytime they said “package”? Be honest.

P.P.S. Does anyone have any goddamn clue what John was talking about with the whole “South Koreans are 3 inches taller than North Koreans” bit?

P.P.P.S. Can we get Sarah on TV as a surrogate to talk as eloquetly, intelligently, and not retardedly as Joe Biden? OH WAIT SHE WAS HIDING AT THE DOUCHIEST BAR IN PHILADELPHIA DOUCHING IT UP WITH CORPORATE CABLE COMPANY DOUCHENOZZLES.


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